Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Molasses and Migraines

As is the case with most of Canada this time of year, and much like the molasses in our kitchen, we're all slowing down a little bit around here.  Seriously, the molasses was a nightmare the other day.  How is one supposed to eat baked beans without molasses?  Sheesh.

This morning, while walking to the bus it was -20degC… so here's what I've done about it...

Nada.  I've learned over the years that I'm just best to bundle up and suck it up.  In this weather, I have a hard time getting out from underneath my blankets so I've spent a lot of time dreaming, designing, and standing in the kitchen looking at the spot beside the fridge where our custom cabinet is supposed to go, which invariably leads to more dreaming and designing.

I've got 5 commissioned projects on the list for the Waugh Woodshop (yay!) and am doing my best to plug through them with the help of both weekends, and the heater I got for Christmas… but… well, Molasses.  As an update to the kitchen retro-fit, I have the last four doors here.  After that it's only four drawer-fronts to go and then I'm building the brand new upper cabinet with crown.  Yay!!  I also have a dollhouse bookshelf that I'm sourcing wood for, and am getting dimensions on a speaker-holding-wire-hiding solution, and somewhere in there I'm going to put together two uniquely shaped trays for boots/plants . . . and then onto my custom kitchen cabinet?  And quilt rack.  And buffet.

I think I could manage the cold if it didn't also bring with it an unfortunate malady every time there was a shift in the biosphere - migraines.  Womp womp.

I've had them since before I can remember, but I think at least aged 10?  I recall trying to describe some symptoms to my Mum which likely sounded fake at the time, but are still very real to me much too often.  I've managed to sort out my three triggers, although I have no control over two of them which won't ever change, and I have a 1-10 rating scale to help GW understand how poorly I'm feeling.  I have also gotten some mental support from a blogger that GW introduced me to, having known her before she started getting migraines and writing Brain Storm as a way to document her challenges, successes and adaptation to her 'new life'.  She has them much worse than I do, with many more triggers, but has had the same failures I've encountered; work challenges, relationship challenges, no success with the 'fixes' people suggest, hobby/travel/social limitations, yet still a hope that tomorrow will be different.

Through her blog, I also came to a bit of acceptance, which has been hard.  My whole life, I've felt that I had to apologize for feeling unwell, and that the apology was because I was failing at managing my illness and therefore being a burden to others (I'm not inclined to fail or be a burden, it's just not me).  The guilt is unbelievable a lot of the time.  I also did start to question how frequently I felt unwell vs. how often I actually was, as migraines make you feel like you're losing your mind.  SO, through 2014, I charted every single migraine I had and what treatments I was trying at the time, etc.  I learned that I had only 16 weeks that were migraine free.  SIXTEEN.  70% of my weeks were spent feeling unwell.  Ugh.  I counted in weeks and not days, as anyone with migraines can confirm that you'll have issues in the lead up to it, and also in the days after while your body tries to recuperate… not to mention that the migraine itself could last for a number of days.  My longest last year was 8 days.  So, as I was saying:  acceptance.  In my 23rd year of dealing with this, I'm accepting this isn't going to go away and it's something to manage.  I still cry in frustration or want to scream when I feel the symptoms coming on, so I guess that's what I'm working on next?

In the meantime, Poka keeps me company, GW happily eats Lipton Chicken Noodle soup much too often, and I try not to feel guilty about locking down on the couch instead of doing my list of chores that I wrote when I felt okay at 10am:
- replace 'handles' on retro-fit kitchen doors        - angle cut 1x4 to make hanger for mirror
- sand putty on french door, remove old one to match hinges
- write grocery list          - plan platter use for party on Saturday      - move dining room table

ANYWAYS, I'm done my rant.  Sorry for making it so long… I'm sure some who lost interest will have just skipped down to this awesome picture - so let me tell you a bit about that.

I knew that I was good at growing my hair out - 3 donations to Angel Hair for Kids so far!  But now it's clear that Pokaroo is good at it too!  Look at all that natural poof there!  Most of the time she "wears it down" and over her eyes, or flipped to the side… but last week, I teased what was there and saw her true glory.  Bam!!

Happy Hump Day!


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1 comment:

  1. Don't worry, sister of mine, we'll happily accept you and your broken head :)
    Just too bad for you that one of the triggers is Chalet Sauce! Blasted bay leaves!

    One day we may have to have a discussion about some potential other custom projects for you at the Waugh Woodshop...